My Inner Struggle

My heart was pierced this morning by a dead guy. you can read what I read below, but know that you may find yourself in thoughtful contemplation as to the state of your heart and soul.

How often do I say, “Things are good,” without taking stock of how things actually are? I’ve learned to rest in God. I know how to worship. But what about the other disciplines? I know there is “no condemnation,” but I also know that I am to “be holy.”

My mind is turning this beautiful spring morning with a question that has plagued me for years: How do I balance being with doing? How do I balance not condemning myself with true growth?

When I’m cleaning my house, sometimes I just lack adequate time to do things well. So, I give a cursory wipe on surfaces and hope it suffices. But then, after a bit, dust and other gross things start appearing in the corners of rooms. I am vehemently against this. So, I changed my strategy. As I clean, I now have a little mantra: clean the corners and the rest will be done as well. I think this is true of my mind and heart, too. When I am aware of the corners of my mind and submitting those dark places into the merciful hands of the Father, he shines a light, allowing it to be truly cleansed.

I still don’t have the balance between doing and being down, but I chose to allow the light of the Spirit to penetrate my dark places, teaching me about Himself and myself in the process.

April 15th
The relapse of concentration

But the high places were not taken away out of Israel; nevertheless the heart of Asa was perfect all his days. 2 Chron. 15:17.

Asa was incomplete in his external obedience, he was right in the main but not entirely right. Beware of the thing of which you say—‘Oh, that does not matter much.’ The fact that it does not matter much to you may mean that it matters a very great deal to God. Nothing is a light matter with a child of God. How much longer are some of us going to keep God trying to teach us one thing? He never loses patience. You say—‘I know I am right with God’; but still the “high places” remain, there is something over which you have not obeyed. Are you protesting that your heart is right with God, and yet is there something in your life about which He has caused you to doubt? Whenever there is doubt, quit immediately, no matter what it is. Nothing is a mere detail.

Are there some things in connection with your bodily life, your intellectual life, upon which you are not concentrating at all? You are all right in the main, but you are slipshod; there is a relapse on the line of concentration. You no more need a holiday from spiritual concentration than your heart needs a holiday from beating. You cannot have a moral holiday and remain moral, nor can you have a spiritual holiday and remain spiritual. God wants you to be entirely his, and this means that you have to watch to keep yourself fit. It takes a tremendous amount of time. Some of us expect to “clear the numberless ascensions” in about two minutes.

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