Soul sickness

I grew up in the American church. I’m thankful for my heritage of great men and women of faith and prayer. My grandfather told me a couple of years before he went to be with Jesus that his father would have been so proud of me and my life with Christ. My great-grandfather was a traveling preacher and I’m thankful for his legacy.

Even so, I sometimes shake my head at the church. I read Stuff Christians Like, giggle, and think, “That’s totally right!” We are an interesting subculture of America, to be sure.

We also tend to swing pendulums from one extreme to the other. It seems that intentionality is the word for the moment. Make every second count. I’ve read countless blogposts, books and listened to many podcasts and sermons on this very topic. And so I’ve tried. I’ve worked tirelessly to make myself into a great leader. I’ve read books on intentionality in prayer to be sure that that area is covered. I’ve thought and planned for sharing and discipleship. I’ve scheduled my day so that every second is used for some purpose.

And I lost myself.

This morning as I contemplated King David, who wrote some of the most heart-wrenching prayers and some of the most uplifting praises, was king. He led thousands. Sometimes into battle. And yet, he was an impulsive praiser. He knew how to bask in the glory of The Lord.

I’m not saying I’m at all like King David, but I do understand his heart. Worship is how I commune with God. I sometimes sketch. Sometimes I write prose, sometimes poetry. Sometimes I compose music. Sometimes I stare at a flower and marvel at the creativity of God. Sometimes I sit and think about God being outside of time which means that the past, present and future are happening all at once which means I’m unborn, in this moment, and praising God in heaven all at the same time. (Yes, I am strange, but it’s how God made me.)

In the midst of trying to be intentional, I forgot that I do that. I forgot who God created me to be. I forgot who I am. And my soul became sick.

The Lord reminded me this morning that he is the best teacher. And that his Word is the best textbook. And that my whole purpose is to simply abide in Him. Some moments that will look different than others. But it always means being in His presence and then asking, “What do you want me to do now, Lord?” And for me, it means creating space to simply bask in his glory.

So I think I’ll be intentional with that and let God lead me as he sees fit.

Anyone wanna join me?

Categories: spiritual growth | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Soul sickness

  1. Solero

    You call it soul sickness funny because to me it is an oasis of a life basking in HIs presence. Wow are real God chaser. Lord thank you for her and thank you for her grand dad he was a friend to me.

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